I’ve made myself cleared on ‘the status’ from Sean. It is as expected.

I felt a little disturbed.

My morning sunshine only lasted for a few hours. Then, frustration after frustration followed.

I’m still hanging on, not allowing them to consume me.

So far so good.

Hope the weekend will be able to compensate the loses I made during the weekdays.

Have a nice weekend ahead and Happy Fasting.

… And MERDEKA!

Did my team-teach last night and as usual, the screw-up part was all over the place. The only difference is I get to rewind and replay those parts. Yep! I was videotaped. :)

Truthfully, I don’t like to see myself on video or photos. So, when I saw Kak Ju with a videocam in hand, I was like “Aiyoh!”

It went as expected. But then, who didn’t screw up on their team-teachings? A couple of glitches in the middle (nasib baik tak tersembam ke tanah!) and quite a number of aspects that require my fullest attention.

TANGAN!!!

*Flap! flap! flap!*

Tapi tangan I nampak modelz ye dalam video tuh. Ye la kan, after endless torturing dari Marc. :)

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When Ickie SMSed me last night (while in the middle of jumping around trying to calm the raging butterfly in the stomach), I wasn’t in my sweetest mood. Back then, I would pay attention to what he’s telling me but now, I just treat it in ‘as a matter of factly’ manner.

It’s an indicator that I’ve grown tired of something.

Just like when I’ve decided that I’m tired with what I was having with Sean. Not that I am tired of him per se, it’s just the… things with him and his own self.

Looking at the brighter side, I now have more guts to ask him things I did not dare to blurt for the fear of ruining what we were having.

I’ve yet to do that though. No wish to dedicate a day/time for it. If it happens, it happens.

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I’m pretty much at a very comfortable zone in the feel-good department currently.

It’s funny how open and expressive I can be with my own emotion when I am with non-Malays.

Like what Kak Azie said over supper last night, “I understand why your preference is towards non-Malays”.

Dan statement seterusnya menyebabkan Abang Bad mengembang 3 kali ganda dari saiz asal :)

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I am the type who does not reject happiness even if it means having to enjoy it only for a moment.

I know what I am having now is not going to be permanent but if it gives me constant feel-good feeling for the next one year, I will not hesitate to enjoy it.

On the aftermath, I’ll allow time to decide…

Yesterday marked the official day where my age counter increased by a digit. Thanks to those who wished me and presented me with gifts I’ll treasure forever. :)

Thanks to Sean for the dinner treat and countless wishes, though the dinner didn’t turn out to be something that I really enjoyed (which explanation is best kept aside).

Thanks to the lovely sister, Yana for the birthday wish and the present she’s still trying to find at Medan.

Thanks to Franz who called all the way from The Phils to wish me. We will definitely have a chat again next time. :)

Thanks to The Parents for the birthday angpow, which I spent on Body Shop’s Grapefruit shower set. ;)

Thanks to Hana for the lovely journal and pearl necklace. You just know how much I heart purple :)

Thanks to Pat whom I’ve yet to confirm on the celebration day. Will definitely get back to you on this!

Thanks to The Office People who got me the cake. ;)

And many thanks to Serg for the teddy bear and for being the final one who concluded the celebration for the day.

Oh! oh! oh! Not to forget John, the policeman who caught me red handed while driving without hands-free and finally let me go without having to pay a single cent after I mentioned to him that it was my birthday. Sorry for the ‘tak berkesan’ pick-up line.

And finally, to the rest who remembered my birthday- Wantak, Ikhlas, Boy, Kak Azie (thanks for the ‘Coach Bag’!), Syah, Neo, Fee and The Cousins … THANK YOU SO MUCH, GUYS! I heart you!

:)

It’s easy to upgrade your lifestyle from ‘barely-breathing’ to ‘rich-and-fabulous’ when you have the money, but having to downgrade the way you lead life is the hardest thing to do.

Especially when you have ditched your ever faithful Kancil for pocket hole-driller Turbocharged Mitsubishi SUV that drinks more than what an African elephant consumes per day…

And leading a life like The Hiltons…

I have to admit that I used to envy such blessings.

But when the blessings turn into beggings, I’d rather stick to owning a Kelisa, pampering my tastebuds with ten-ringgit… oh! correction… TWELVE RINGGIT steak, and having my monthly wardrobe update at the flea markets/bazaars.

Even if I do have tonnes of cash to spend (manalah tau tetiba duit singgit I letak bawah bantal semalam tu beranak RM100 notes…), the banks will be the first to get the monies (read: loans and CC).

I can still settle with the fact that I won’t be able to enjoy a single cent on Zara’s or MNG’s latest collection.

Asalkan, semua debts… SETEL!

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I have been through the hardship of having to struggle to make ends meet. Eventhough it wasn’t of my own, it is nevertheless a heartbreaking period to live with.

Nobody knows exactly the things I used to deal with.

I never told a single soul.

When I read a blog on such despair, I can’t say anything else but hoping that she will keep staying strong because the strength you have will keep you sane throughout the ordeal.

Trust me, it does help…